Sim

Like other irkens of this configuration, Sim isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, so conversations with him can get pretty boring. He's not hardworking at all and would probably pick an easy job if given the choice, but bossing others around isn't his thing either. He's more like a cog in the system than a leader. He's weak willed and tends to go with the flow. He's lazy and doesn't like to think too much about his future. For him, comfort in the present moment is what matters. And comfort, to him, means sitting alone at his computer or lounging on a soft bed.

Sim's main problem is low self esteem and envy. He envies popular internet personalities, especially other retrograde irken bloggers. That's why he downplays his own achievements and can't accept compliments, not that he dislikes them, he just doesn't know how. Criticism immediately triggers him, makes him angry and hurt. He also tends to bottle up his emotions and holds grudges. He's petty and looks for a hidden catch in everything related to others' opinions of him. He feels he doesn't get enough attention, neither as a blogger nor as a person.

On the irknet, he tries to play the role of a sweet, cheerful, soft looking guy who's kind to everyone. In reality, he's very sensitive to negativity, easy to irritate, and kind of fussy. That's why he can't help getting involved in dumb internet arguments, which he'll then dwell on for a long time. This makes him conflict prone, but his aggression is mostly passive, he reacts to external triggers rather than being the one who starts things.

Another toxic trait is his foolish naivety. Sim genuinely believes, every single time, that someone will do something for him for free. He falls for ads and often ends up in quirky situations.

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Taste preferences

Casual food: shmoobsy-loobsie-lalapoopsie noodle, superprotein paste, oxygen cocktail, bread bars, ianana, ylie.

Dislikes: bread bars, superprotein paste, oxygen cocktail, mooshmeat.

Likes: jakoozian larva pizza, stawberry biscuit sticks, Big Irk, isecream.

Favorite tastes: sour, spicy, fried, sweet.

Least favorite taste: its absence.

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Photo style

Usually, Sim just takes photos of himself as he is. He's tried taking more "professional-looking" photos, but due to the lack of proper equipment, he stuck with more casual ones. He thinks it's important to keep things simple and natural, the way it was originally meant to be in pure retrograde.

He doesn't show much emotion in his photos, or if he does, it doesn't come across as genuine. Lately, he's started avoiding his face altogether and focuses more on his body. He also avoids taking photos of food or of himself eating. His photos often feature everyday activities, he might even take a picture with a messy room in the background, or right after waking up, with bad lighting and no editing.

Sim can't decide which type of retrograde he wants to be. He often hops between grades, but since the beginning he's mostly been pure. After moving to Jakoozia, he started trying to imitate the jungle, but eventually leaned more toward smeetgrade, which once again left his style feeling mixed.

By irken society standards, he's unemployed, since he doesn't work the job assigned to him by the Control Brains. He doesn't have a steady workplace: he often hops between temporary jobs and rarely sticks to one place for long. Mostly, his work is connected to media and entertainment: photoshoots, dancing, service, blogging. He tried acting and singing, but the movies and shows he was in often flopped, and singing in evening bars wasn't successful either. Dancing and singing were his weakest attempts.

After graduating, the Control Brains assigned Sim to work on Shimmershalala as a servant for some big shimmershalalan influencer. He lived and worked in his "master's" house, but eventually ran away with his friends to work on another planet — Viezann. The longest he managed to hold a job was as a waiter at a nightclub on Viezann. On top of waiting tables, he was also made to do other people's work that wasn't part of his duties. After that, he moved to Jakoozia, where for a while he was on the roster of regular models for BWWA magazine.

At the moment, Sim is attempting to earn money through various types of blogging: streams with donations, selling photoshoots and videos of himself on the monetization service DonationStars, and so on.

Sim is of the "media and entertainment" configuration^*. This config has the strictest selection standards: an irken can be marked as defective just for having the "wrong" eye color. Basically, it's because irkens of this config have jobs connected to representing the Irken nation in mass media. These are the defects that prevent Sim from becoming the new host of Factor Bozo (an announcer), which is what he was supposed to be:

• Short height. To work in entertainment and media, an irken's height must be at least 5'9" / 180 cm. Sim is 0.000000000000000000000328084 ft / 0.00000000000000000001 cm shorter. Irken height-measuring computer systems are very strict, and such a margin of error is unacceptable for an announcer.
• Weak and inexpressive voice. Also unacceptable for an announcer.
• Has traits of an archaic^* irken. Archaic means features that could be found in older generations of irkens but are no longer relevant for modern irkens. Sim's archaic traits are:
• long antennae;
• prominent brow antennae;
• relative development of vestigial reproductive organs.
• Dysfunctional PAK hardware. Even though an announcer's PAK hardware is supposed to be the strongest among irkens of this config, Sim's PAK hardware is generally malfunctioning: it lags, runs slow. This causes a kind of PAK retardation^* (by analogy with mental retardation).

* — I'll make an article about these thingies later.

• He's obsessed with social media and spends all his free time on the irknet.
• His favorite show is Shmoobsy Loobsie Lalapoopsie, where a cartoony monkey-like creature jumps up and down. He has a rare vintage "original green" Shmoobsy Loobsie Lalapoopsie plush with a squeaker inside and he still sleeps with it.
• He also has a pillow he's slept on since smeethood. He calls it "pillowy".
• He eats. A lot. He can eat more than 30 jumbo sized noodles per day (while 10 is normal). It's because his PAK malfunctions: it consumes more energy while its capacity is low.
• Even though he stalks popular retrograde bloggers and tries to imitate them, he feels some disgust toward the retrograde irken community.
• Dislikes red lighting and the color red.
• When he's in a rage, he might hurt himself: banging his head against the wall, hitting himself, scratching his back and neck, biting his arm.
• Due to anxiety, he breaks into a cold sweat immediately, which is why he uses deodorant a lot. That's why he often smells like aerosol.
• He likes being petted on the back or stomach.
• …but only by trusted people. Usually he avoids physical contact and may even get aggressive if touched.
• He may not maintain basic hygiene for several days: not washing his face, brushing his teeth, etc. Often it's out of laziness and lack of self care, which stems from self-hatred.
• He avoids his reflection in mirrors and only looks into them to spot and fix flaws.
• He's a fierce xenophobe. Even though xenophobia toward other species is common among irkens, it's kind of frowned upon in the retrograde irken community, because the main audience of these irken bloggers consists of lower races.